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Semester Break.

It's been almost a year since my last post huh...

I've wanted to post about this much earlier but lazy so I'll post this while I still feel like writing it. Many things - too many things - have happened during the past year. A year older and (hopefully) more mature. New friends (not really). New interests. And I still find myself missing the old days when I just sit here with free time on my hands...

First of all, semester break. I've finished my second year and I have one more year to go! I'm really really excited about graduating soon and working and getting my own income, even if it means getting older... (I'm still 20 I'm not old yet!) Fasting month starts tomorrow, and I expect things to get busier in the next few weeks. Meanwhile, searching for a part time job to recover all the money I lost to arcade games, and to fund my 3DS games (yes, I have a 3DS XL now! 8D).

I sat for JLPT N4 last Sunday, and I think I've got a lot better at Japanese since I left this secret blog of mine. おどろいた? I still suck at making my own sentences, and kanji and vocabulary is still terrible... I want to take N3 next year so I should start practising now too.

Still as active in rhythm games as ever. Aside from Taiko, I had been getting into Bemani games too. IIDX, pop'n music, jubeat. The arcade scene's here has really been improving (not much, but it's still progress) hence me throwing over RM500 for jubeat unlocks in the past 2 months... But since I'm at home and away from the capital, it's a good chance to restrain myself. Even though my heart still cries over it...

Speaking of games, out of temptation and cheap prices I bought a limited edition Animal Crossing 3DS XL bundle! The 3DS is really really awesome. And it's really nice that more people are interested in it. There's even a community here now! Gatherings and all. Most of them are situated near the capital so I can't visit during my holidays though. Convincing friends and brother to get one too. 8D

Last thing, I still feel guilty that I went MIA on my scanlation group... I've been busy (and when I'm not busy I'm lazy), but I still find myself missing scanlation. The knowledge and advice I received, the sources and doting bosses *cough*. I'm currently trying to translate and scanlate a certain doujin by myself though. Reading practice, and my editing skills have gone pretty rusty...

All in all, now that I've let out what I wanted to say, I just wanna say that I'll probably leave this account permanently now. I'm still VERY active online on FB/ twitter though it's @D2Desu in case you ever get curious...not like it'll happen.

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Reason?

I only go to livejournal to read KuroBasu fanfics now. And my God, they are AWESOME. ;w;

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Fatal Frame 4

waaaaaah I cannot get the English patch to work, keep getting the black screen >__<

They said it has something to do with the SD card I'm using, but I can't go out until Monday. oh well.

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Languages

suddenly, randomly reading on Filipino sentence structure lol.

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KUROKO HNNNNGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

DOUJINSHI. FANART. FANFIC. PURE HEAVEN.

Gays...

My normal friends watched Call Me Maybe music video and they giggled at the ending. THE WORLD HAS CHANGED for the better HAHA

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...I'm sorry for leaving you guys behind. ;A;

This past month... I guess the memorable thing that happened was my move to exercise to lose weight! On my 3rd week of jogging routine now. Awesome or what.

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My luck...

I've had the worst of luck these days. First I lost my sister's camera (it wouldn't have hit me so much if it belonged to me *sob*) 2 days ago. And today I lost the phone that my dad gave me. I only had it for 4/5 months (because I lost my phone before as well) and it was a pretty darn good phone ;A;

if I had a loan/ scholarship I honestly would've tried to cover it up by buying a new one... But I'm really short of money!!! I can only imagine the trouble I get into if my parents find out about this.

It wouldn't be that bad if I just lost the phone, but coupled with the fact it wasn't bought with my money and I lost something equally as expensive just days before... /slits wrist

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Visual Novels huh...

I think Enzai was my very first BL anime. I hated it after watching it - it was gory and kinky and cruel in ways I couldn't imagine (me too innocent that time lol) and filled with shotas... and the ending didn't even make sense! I never wanted to watch it again. The funny thing was it was on Youtube - I don't think Youtube allows that kind of stuff to be uploaded anymore these days ^^;

And now I'm gonna find the links of the game and give it a try. XD

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Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a disease or something. I've always wondered to myself, why did I turn to a self-blaming scaredy cat? When?

My parents say it's cos my maid keeps getting angry at my 'blur' (distant?) expression, but sometimes when my parents get angry at me their shouting rings in my head over and over and I start thinking how everything's my fault and all the blame should be put on me... even if I know how much it would hurt myself; I know better than anyone else how it rips your heart to be blamed for something that's not really your fault so I didn't want anyone else to experience that feeling.

Sometimes I really don't know how to do something. It may sound stupid or trivial but why is it so wrong to ask? Why must people give me cold stares or shout at me when I just want to ask them?

Today I kinda snapped and burst into tears... in front of my parents. Sometimes I feel like hurting myself to show my parents there's something wrong in my head, but I can't bring myself to do it. I love this life and I'm afraid of the pain it would bring me. Then when my sobs quietened there's this horrible looming guilt that I've embarrassed myself again. I don't think I'll be able to look at my parents and my maid for the rest of the day...

I'm just confused. I'm really confused. I know snapping like that is embarrassing, but I can't stop my tears from falling. I know the amount of guilt afterwards could kill me. So why can't I hold back those tears and smile like everybody else can?

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